The last two weeks have been sooooo challenging. I started the 21 Day Raw Cleanse on July 16. After four straight weeks of eating raw, I started to get “tired” of the raw deal. Much of it had to do with my own issues with food, and despite my “determination,” I started to crumble under the pressure.
For me, eating this way is like continual fasting. And after a while, my flesh began to cry out…or should I say..SCREAM. I felt like the Israrelites, in the wildreness, complaiing to God and begging for meat.
Numbers 11: 4, 33-34 (AMP) Read all of Numbers 11
“And the mixed multitude among them [the rabble who followed Israel from Egypt] began to lust greatly [for familiar and dainty food], and the Israelites wept again and said, Who will give us meat to eat?
While the meat was yet between their teeth, before it was consumed, the anger of the Lord was kindled against the people, and the Lord smote them with a very great plague. That place was called Kibroth-hattaavah [the graves of sensuous desire], because there they buried the people who lusted, whose physical appetite caused them to sin. [1 Corinthains 10:1-13]“
My flesh was like the “mixed multitude,” crying out for familiar food and I like the children of Israel, gave in to the “peer pressure.” I allowed my physical appetite to cause me to sin.
It started with little nibbles of the cooked food I was making for my family. You know, so I could “taste it,” to be sure it was acceptable to serve.
Then it gradually moved on to full blown eating as of this Sunday (well only at dinner).
I don’t know what it is about dinnertime. I do good ALL DAY, and then at dinner, I cave. There’s something about everyone eating together, the same meal, and me eating something different. I’m not sure if it’s just that I don’t want to feel isolated at such an important meal or I have some childhood yearning that went unfulfilled. The jury’s still out on that one.
The program directors tell those who participate that “we don’t beat up on ourselves.” But I began beating all right, and to spiral down into full blown Tyson versus Mayweather.
The emotions were just out of control. I was feeling everything from sadness, to joy, to shame, to guilt, to happiness, to…whatever.
I kept thinking to myself, “I have been doing sooo good. How could I slip????
Let’s be clear, conviction comes from God, but condemnation comes from the enemy. I had become so overwhelmed by guilt and shame that I knew it was time for me to surrender…again.
This is called The GLORY Diet for a reason. For so long it had been all about vanity and whether I was losing weight. The challenges and discipline required to eat any type of restricted food regimen, can only be successful if guided and controlled by the Holy Spirit.
What I have not told you is that in the recent past, someone was controlling the way I ate, and it was not the Lord. Someone had used their “power” that was supposed to help me reach my fitness goals, to manipulate me, all in the name of the Lord.
That pain and the residue of such spiritual manipulation left a sting, and entering the world of restrictions and controls left me right there, facing it head on, all over again.
I need His healing to regain the strength once bestowed on me to do this His way. I need the prayers of others who know what it’s like to have to obey, even when you don’t fully understand.
For much of my life, it’s been all about doing things “right” or perfectly, not making any mistakes. I often miss the whole lesson because I’m so focused on “rightness” that I miss His desire to restore to me His righteousness.
You see, God Looks for Obedience and Reverence from You (and me). It should be for His GLORY. Whatever I eat, whatever I drink, whatever I do, should all be for His GLORY (1 Corinthians 10:31).
Pray for me yall. Better yet, share with me your area of “whatever;” the thing that you need to return to His glory.
Help a sista out.
Here’s what I have eaten up until today.
Menu Plan Day 24
Breakfast: OJ (fresh squeezed)
Snack: Blueberry and Banana Salad
Lunch: Raw Tabouli
Dinner: Homemade Corn and Potato Chowder (1/2 cup)
Workouts:
- 17 Minute Upper Body Workout Video
Water: 4 20oz. bottles of water
Menu Plan Day 2
Breakfast: Grapefruit Juice
Snack: Bananas and Blueberries
Lunch: Super Mineralizing Salad
Dinner: Raw Mango Pie (mango, pecans, dates)
Workouts:
- Water Aerobics (15 Minutes)
Water: 3 20oz. bottles of water
Menu Plan Day 3
Breakfast: OJ Banana Smoothie
Snack: Celery Chowder
Lunch: Raw Apple Pie (1/2 recipe)
Dinner: Raw Collard Green Sun-fry
Workouts:
- C25K Week 1 Day 1 (25 Minutes)
Water: 4 20oz. bottles of water and 30 oz of Hibiscus Tea
Menu Plan Day 4
Breakfast: Blueberries and Bananas
Snack: OJ Banana Smoothie
Lunch: Sunflower Seed Pate’ (1/2 cup)
Dinner: Turkey Meatballs (1/2 cup) and Whole Wheat Noodles (1/4 cup)
Workouts:
Water: 4 20oz. bottles of water
Menu Plan Day 5
Breakfast: Grapefruit Juice
Snack: Watermelon Juice
Lunch: Carob Silk (this did not agree with me this time, I ate nothing for the rest of the day)
Workouts:
- C25K Week 1 Day 2 (25 minutes)
Water: 2 20oz. bottles of water
Menu Plan Day 6
Breakfast: OJ Banana Smoothie
Snack: Tossed Salad
Lunch: Raw Kale Subs
Dinner: Blueberries and Bananas
I skipped all the cooked food and cake at the event at church today. But totally caved the next day.
Workouts:
Water: 3 20oz. bottles of water
Menu Plan Day 7
Breakfast: Green Juice
Snack: Watermelon
Dinner: Graduation Party Dinner (chicken wings, 1/4 cup baked beans, 1/2 ear corn and 1/2 cup cabbage and fennel slaw)
Workouts:
Water: 3 20oz. bottles of water
Menu Plan Day 8
Breakfast: Bananas
Lunch: Fruit Salad
Dinner: Graduation Party Leftovers and cake
Workouts:
- Water Aerobics (30 minutes)
- Bike Ride (30 Minutes)
Water: 3 20oz. bottles of water
Menu Plan Day 9
Breakfast: Watermelon Juice
Snack: Fruit Salad
Lunch: OJ Banana Smoothie
Dinner: No-Chick-In Nuggets (totally veggie), mixed vegetables, and cup scalloped potatoes
Workouts:
Water: 2 20oz. bottles of water
I will be fasting for the rest of the week. Some things come not out but by prayer and fasting (Matthew 17:21).
©2012 Ajene M. Gailliard All Rights Reserved